HEY YOU

Hey you

Crazy how as I say that I ask myself if that’s too friendly of a greeting

I don’t want to be nice

I don’t want to consider your feelings

I don’t want to understand

I don’t need an explanation

Because that’s always been your way of taking my feelings and using it as a tool to abuse me

Mentally manipulated

Emotionally battered

I ask myself what life would have turned out to be for you if I wasn’t there

If I didn’t listen

If I didn’t understand

If I didn’t cry

If I didn’t try

If I didn’t stay

Would it have hurt me this much?

Would I be walking around looking for an inconsistence, selfish, manipulative, self-centered version of you in every many that wishes to love me

I promised to never love the same

To never give the same

To never touch the same

To never kiss the same

But does that not mean that you win?

I sit and remember the times we shared

The times you took advantage of me

The times you made me believe that my feelings weren’t valid

The times I felt lonely when with you

The times you rejected me

The times you broke me down to a less confident version of myself

And I hurt

My heart breaks all over again

My tears resurface

I ran out of breath just one more time

I feel like running and hiding

I feel ashamed

I feel dumb

I feel cheated

And I think to myself what on earth did I do to deserve that level of mistreatment

Then I realize

I was not the problem

It was you…

I can’t wait for the pain to fade

I can’t wait for this anger to disappear

I can’t wait till you and all the memories that come with you good or bad are a distant memory

I can’t wait to think about you and feel nothing

To the next girl you “love”

I hope he treats you better and more than anything I pray you have the strength to walk away when respect is no longer served and when you no longer feel safe,

I hope you remember to first love yourself because I didn’t

And to you my greatest hurt

This is how I take my power back

Healing26

Healing@27

Recovering from a narcissist

This chapter is called invite only and you are not welcome